My parents have shown me that the right relationship is worth waiting for.

This week I had a good friend say something mean. I don’t remember it word for word, but it was basically, “At least I’m married, so somebody loves me.”

She tried to make it into a joke, but it was designed to hurt my feelings. To make me feel bad about being single so she could feel better about herself. It wasn’t her words that stung, but the purpose behind them. She wanted me to feel bad.

Luckily for me, I could see through her. And I love myself, and her, enough to know it wasn’t really about me. So, I went on my way and let it go.

But then I watched one of my favorite TV shows and the same message came at me again.

Zoe Hart, the main character, was traveling to a wedding and feeling sorry for her single self. Like most women, she had some troubles in the romance department. She was talking to the woman next to her about her most recent break-up and another guy who she might have feelings for.

The woman was shocked to hear that Zoe was single. She listed off all her own silly faults, things like smelly feet and an addiction to clipping coupons, and said that she was married. Then she asked Zoe the question that made me angry: “So what’s wrong with you?”

As if the fact that she wasn’t married meant there was something wrong with her. Something less, something broken.

It brought back my friend’s words and made me want to scream at the TV.

It makes me so sad to think that we, as women, are expected to define ourselves by a relationship with a man. And, it makes me worried that we continue to pass this along to the young women looking to us as models.

It’s true that most of us, me included, want love in our lives. It would be great to have a man who is my partner, and I look forward to that happening some day. But it does not make me broken, or unworthy, or any less accomplished because I am not married.

If it was just about having a man and getting married, we could all do that.

Sure, I could have married any number of guys who I knew weren’t right for me. But I chose to stay true to myself and wait for the guy who is the right one.

I don’t see marriage as a goal, like losing 20 pounds or getting a promotion. It isn’t something to check off our list and add to our resume.

In my eyes, that would defeat the whole purpose of marriage.

Isn’t it about finding the one person you want to be with, above all others?

That takes some of us a little longer. It doesn’t mean we are any less normal or lovable. It just means we stick to what we believe and are willing to wait for what we really want.

I don’t see how there could be anything wrong with that.

Have you ever felt pressure to be in a relationship? If you are married, do you ever pressure your single friends to hurry up and get married? What lessons about love and relationships do you want to pass on to the next generation of women?

Sweet dreams to me!

When we’re still in our “meantime” place, it can be hard to enjoy our surroundings. Especially when our surroundings are a crappy apartment with thin walls and a faint mildew aroma.

I got tired of looking around at a place I couldn’t stand and always thinking about the better place I am going to next. We can’t actually live in the future, no matter how hard we try.

So I thought about my clothes, and how I am enjoying what I have in my closet now and mixing it with a few new pieces. I am not going to wait until I am the “perfect” weight to buy new things. I would never do that to myself when it comes to my body. So why do I do in other areas of my life?

The room I hated the most was my bedroom. With the door open all I could see were the sheets I never liked from my last apartment and the blanket I’ve had since I was ten years old. They were what I used to pack things in my car when I moved across the country. Not exactly a part of my design dreams.

Every time I caught a glimpse of them, I was reminded that I am not where I want to be. That I am making do.

It’s hard to focus on living in the moment when all you see are reminders of the past. It was time to change the view.

I had been waiting to decorate until I was in a place I liked. But, that obviously wasn’t working. So, I sucked it up and went to Target.

And, you know what? I had a great time going up and down the aisles, planning what my room should look like now. Right where I am. I found the perfect duvet cover and sheets to give it a pop of color. It even came with throw pillows that made me feel a little fancy.

When I went home and set it up, I liked what I saw. And now, I can actually enjoy where I live. It’s fun, yet classy. I love to prop my head against the decorative pillows and read before bed. And, now I actually look forward to going to sleep.

It may be the meantime, but it’s a meantime I can actually appreciate. Because when I look around, what I see makes me smile. It’s so much easier to live in the present when I like how the present looks.

Do you like where you are in your life now? Can decorating change how you feel about a place? What have you done to help get through the meantime?

I’ll feel good and work hard in these!

We all know that rewards can work for kids, and we often use them for ourselves. I have a friend who has been known to pop a handful of M&M’s in her mouth as a reward for getting off the couch and heading to the gym. Whatever works, right?

I’ve tried a lot of reward systems for myself. Usually it is food or TV related. Something I see as a little indulgence. I even tried to pay myself a dollar for every workout. In the end I was too cheap to pay up, even to myself.

Yes, I can be a little thrifty. Especially when it comes to workout clothes. I have been wearing the same things for years. And some of those are even hand-me-downs themselves.

I’ve never seen the point in spending money on things I only wear to the gym.

Sure, I admire the people who shop at Lulu Lemon and Lucy. I just figured that we had different priorities when it came to shopping. I spend on the things I wear the most: work clothes.

They would tell me that it is nice, and even motivating, to workout in clothes you like. I’d just roll my eyes and save my money for a great pair of slacks.

But I’ve been going to the gym consistently now for four months. And I’m starting to see some results from all of my hard work. Now I finally understand what they were talking about.

I want to reward myself for working hard. I want to wear a cute sports bra at the gym, even though it’ll be hidden under my tank top and no one will know but me.

So this weekend I took myself to one of those fancy workout stores.

It was a whole different experience from shopping at Target. The store was filled with beautiful workout gear, organized by sport. Sales people were helpful and friendly, and they had experience wearing the clothes.

The dressing room was big, and so nice that there were throw pillows on the bench. I felt special just by being there.

And as I stood in front of the giant, gold framed mirror and tried on clothes, something happened.

I began to see myself differently.

Instead of staring at my reflection and noticing the flaws, I liked what I saw. New, toned muscles and a more fit body than I’ve had in a while.

I looked good in those workout clothes and that made me feel good. Or maybe the fact that I felt good made me look good. It’s hard to say. Our feelings and physical appearance are a lot like the chicken and the egg.

What I do know is that when I slip on that hot pink sports bra I feel like I deserve it, and that makes me want to workout even more.

Do you reward yourself for your hard work? What kinds of rewards do you like? Do you invest in workout gear or cheap out, like me? Are rewards motivating? Or just an unnecessary indulgence? I’d love to hear what you think.

Fight night was much more fun than I was expecting…

We all have faults, things we are not so good at, and impressions that we give off unintentionally.

I am shy around new people and that can be easily misinterpreted. I come off as stuck-up when really the opposite is true. I’m so worried about whether or not people will like me that I have a hard time letting them in.

Usually, after people get to know me they tell me about their first impression. I’ve been told many times that I have a wall up.

As hard as it is to admit, I know it’s true.

I finally decided it’s time to change that.

Changing who you are can be a lot harder than it sounds. Sure, I could say I’m going to just stop putting up a wall and start letting people in. But that is not realistic. And, honestly, I don’t know how to do that.

The wall took a long time to build. I’ve been reinforcing it and making it stronger my entire life. I can’t just knock it down with one swing of a sledge hammer, no matter how much I may want it.

So, I decided to focus on removing one brick at a time.

It would start with a yes. I promised myself that when someone new invited me to do something, instead of finding an excuse I would just say yes. And go. No backing out at the last minute.

It turns out the universe was listening. And has a pretty healthy sense of humor. Soon after my decision I was invited to go to a fight.

I’d never been interested in seeing anyone fight. If one breaks out at a concert or bar, my natural reaction is to run as far away as possible. I don’t even like to watch reality TV because of all the arguing.

But I was invited, so I said yes. And, it wasn’t just an ordinary fight. We were going to support our friend, Travis, who would be fighting.

When we first arrived, it felt kind of like going to the movies. There were rows of chairs, and in place of a screen was a giant cage right in the middle. I was worried about the usual things when trying something new. Had I dressed appropriately? Were we supposed to yell and cheer? Would I get too nervous to watch?

But when the lights went down and the music came on, all those worries slipped away. Travis came out onto the stage and we all stood up and cheered. It was fun to support him, and fun to see a friend in the spotlight.

Yes, I was a little nervous the first second he was in that ring. I didn’t want to see my friend get hurt, after all. But it didn’t last long. Actually, neither did the fight.

Travis won in 55 seconds.

I feel like I won something, too. I stepped out of my comfort zone, went to see a sport that I assumed I wouldn’t like, hung out with new friends, and had a great time.

It turns out that opening yourself up is not only a good thing, but it can be fun in the process. Supporting a friend in doing something they love can be just as much fun as doing the things we love. And it leaves us with one less brick in the wall.

Do you have an easy time with new people and new situations? Or do you have a bit of a wall like me? What makes it easier for you to put yourself out there? How do you open up?

It’s good to relax and enjoy where we are right now, even if it feels like the middle of nowhere…

I am not really a patient person. I want what I want, when I want it. And I don’t think I’m alone in that.

When we come up with our goals and dreams, we picture ourselves with them now. Not in six months, a year, or a few years. Right now.

Normally, I hate every moment in between where I am and where I want to be. I am so focused on the future that I don’t think about the present. At all.

But right now, everything in my life is an in-between.

My job is on a terminating contract, with nothing set in stone. I got into the MFA program of my dreams, but it doesn’t start until June. I live in the cheap apartment I could afford before I had a job. I finished another book and haven’t found an agent. And since I’ve been working out consistently, my body is literally between sizes.

I could either spend a lot of time upset or figure out how to enjoy where I am now.

I love my job, so focusing on the here and now there wasn’t tough. I told my boss how much I want to stay there, and then I started updating my resume, just in case.

June isn’t really that far away. And the truth is, once I start school I will basically have three jobs. And no spare time. So, I decided to relax and have fun with all my free time now. I have been reading more, hanging out more, and painting my nails. It’s been good.

And then I looked at my closet.

I realized that I had been not fitting into my own clothes for a while. And I could have fun re-discovering my own wardrobe. I bought a few belts, and I’ve been making a game of it. It really is fun to see what new outfits I can come up with from the same old clothes.

Closet creativity at its finest.

When it comes to writing, I’m learning to slow down the last part of the process. I’m taking the time to research agents I really want, not just making a list of everyone. I love my book and I want it to end up with an agent who will love it, too. And my next book, whatever that turns out to be.

I guess it really is true what they say. It is all about the journey. We learn and grow so much from the steps in the middle. The end is just the cherry on top.

And if we slow down and look around, we can enjoy the process as much as the end result. The in-between can be fun. All we need is a new perspective, and maybe a new belt or two.

How do you feel about being in the in-between? Do you focus on the future, or are you good at living in the present? Is the journey just as important as the goal?

I can’t remember why we were laughing, but man, we thought we were funny!

We can all get a little too serious at times. Most of us are serious about our jobs, our families, working out, and all the endless things on our to-do lists.

I try to think of myself as a fun, light hearted person. But I am also very much in my head. I like to have a plan and I over-think everything. Really, sandals or ballet flats shouldn’t be that big of a decision. But, I’m serious about my shoes.

When it comes to working out, I try to find that nice balance of having fun and working hard. I am usually the least serious one at the gym. Yes, I realize it is strange be more serious about footwear than working out, but that is who I am.

So, I didn’t even think twice about the crazy workout I saw posted on Monday, April First.

It was: 100 burpees, an 800 meter run, then 100 more burpees.

Anyone who hasn’t heard of burpees should first consider themselves lucky. It’s basically getting down to the ground and then back up again, with a little jump in the air, as fast as you can.

I can do about 10 before my lungs feel like they are going to burst out through my chest. I wasn’t sure if I could actually do 200.

But I also knew I couldn’t back out or skip the workout. I knew it was my fault in the first place.

You see, one of my friends had been talking about how to get in some workouts while on vacation. The head coach/owner of the gym suggested she do 100 burpees for time. I, of course, made some sort of horrified sound and asked why anyone in their right mind would want to do 100 burpees.

Apparently, I said it twice.

My friend shook her head at me and said, “Great, now he’s going to make us do 100 burpees.”

So when I saw the workout, I was feeling so guilty I didn’t even think about the calendar.

It didn’t help that the coach pointed at me and told the class the workout was because of me. I was just thankful he didn’t post that online. I wouldn’t want a bunch of tough CrossFitters to be mad at me.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but I knew I had no choice. Even if I collapsed into a pile of my own sweat at the end, I was going to finish.

Then 8 burpees in, he stopped us. He got a giant smile on his face and said, “April Fool’s!”

He laughed and then we all started laughing, too. He had gotten us good.

The real workout was tough, but nowhere near 200 burpees. And I was still giggling to myself after it was over.

I couldn’t believe I fell for it, on April Fool’s Day no less.

Yes, we can put some seriousness in our workouts and our work. But, we also need to leave room and time for fun. There is time to smile and time to laugh. And nothing feels quite as good as laughing at ourselves in a room full of people, all laughing at themselves, too.

Except maybe being the one who thought of the joke.

Have you ever fallen for a good joke? Any on April Fool’s Day? Can you easily laugh at yourself? Or do you take things seriously?

*Epilogue: We had to do the workout last night, for real. So the joke really was on us.

My friend, Crystal, and I were ready to go.

I used to think that my biggest fear was heights. Or, more specifically, falling from heights. I’ve never liked climbing trees, diving, or going up a ladder even to get down a slide. The see-saw was about as daring as I got on the playground as a child.

As an adult, I wanted to look my fear in the face and show it I was stronger. So I took a rock climbing class at an indoor gym. I could get up that wall, no problem. But, when it was time to go down I found I had trouble letting go of the wall.

It turns out my fear isn’t really about heights, it about having my feet off of the ground. And letting go. That is why I’m not a bike rider and I still get scared every time I do a box jump at the gym. I don’t like to have both feet off the ground at the same time. It kind of terrifies me.

While I have no interest in diving or riding a bike, I do want to get better at box jumps and other things at the gym that require my feet leave the ground. And I get tired of feeling afraid all the time. Who wants to be a chicken or a scardy cat? Not me, that’s for sure.

I want to be brave, strong, tough, and adventurous. And not just in my imagination. So, when my friend invited me to go Zip-lining I said yes without hesitation.

And I didn’t think twice about my decision until I was strapped into a harness and standing on the platform in front of the zip line and the giant drop to the ground.

Being close to the edge of the platform made my legs shaky and I couldn’t stop picturing myself in a heap of broken bones on the ground. It would be just like me to trip over my own shoelace four stories up in the air.

I thought about backing out and I even said something out loud about wanting to change my mind and walk back down to the ground. But my friend said, no, I couldn’t give up. And the “Flight Captain” (what they call the zip-line leaders) told me it was safe and fun and that I could do it.

There was a line of people waiting behind me, including my friend. I didn’t want to be the one who chickened out. So I sat back and took my feet off the ground. I took off on my own across the line.

And it was really fun!

I even looked down and I wasn’t scared of falling.

I wasn’t scared at all, until it came time to take my hand off the trolley and brake. I was afraid of stopping too soon and being stuck out on the line and of not braking and crashing in to the pole all at the same time.

The first time I took my hand off, it was scary. And I grabbed too hard on the line so I jerked around a bit while braking. But the next time it was easier and not so scary.

My friend had trouble braking twice, so she just curled herself into a ball and let the Flight Captain catch her on the podium. I knew there was a back-up plan, first hand.

Each line, I got a little less scared and it became a little more fun. It was actually very freeing to fly over the tops of trees. Like a cross between a bird and a monkey. Or maybe one of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, but without the ugly vest and hat.

When we were down to our last two lines we ended up on the same platform as a group taking off on their first line. I saw a woman hooked up, but terrified to let go and fly. It was like getting a glimpse into how I had felt the first time.

Since I knew how good it felt to let go and do it, I joined everyone else in cheering her on and giving her advice. But, after ten minutes of her fear and hesitation, I realized she wasn’t going to do it no matter how long she stood there.

And I felt even more proud of myself for just sitting back and taking my feet off the ground. Those last two lines were probably my favorite because I wasn’t afraid at all. I didn’t have to double check that I was hooked in or ask about the signal for braking one more time.

I just sat back and enjoyed the flight.

When we were done the Flight Captain, Al, told me he was proud of me. And the best part was, I agreed with him. I was proud of me, too.

Really, I think it was better that I started out scared. I probably got more out if than the other people on my “flight”. Sure, then had a good time. But, I faced a fear, found my strength, and had fun along the way.

The truth is, we don’t have to be unfraid or fearless. We just have to do it anyway, in spite of the fear.

What are you most afraid of? What have you done to face your fears? Do you think we can ever get over our fears completely, or do we just have to keep facing them in different ways?

On a side note: If you are in the Raleigh area, you should check out Kersey Valley Zip Line. Especially if you are afraid.

It’s time to get honest…

One of my favorite things about working with a big group of amazing, experienced women is all the advice they give. Yes, most of it is unsolicited, but it always comes with a great story.

Some of it is simple, yet life changing like: “You can’t love anybody else until you love yourself.”

Some of the advice is more practical. Apparently I now live in a community property state where married couples share everything, including debt and retirement accounts, even after divorce. Pre-nups and separate checking accounts, that’s what they told me.

Not that I’m even dating anyone yet…

Recently we started talking about how to make sure you have the right match in a man before you marry him. Two of my favorite married ladies told me they made a list.

I’ve heard of that before. You write down everything you want in a man and put the list under your pillow or burn it and release it to the universe. My step-mom even has a great story about one of her friends who made a list and put it under her mattress. Then she forgot about it until she was moving in with her now husband and she found it. She read it and realized he was everything on the list.

Very romantic.

But, as my friend explained, that isn’t the real purpose of the list.

The purpose is to be very honest about who you are and what you really want. And stick to it.

That made sense to me. I always think I know what I want, but so often that falls away when I meet a guy who gives me butterflies.

I say I don’t want to be with a guy who already has kids. But then I meet the cute, smart, funny guy and I forget. Until I realize that he’s not over his ex and neither is she, and they have a child who will link them forever. A painful lesson every time.

We want what we want for a reason. And when we know ourselves, that reason becomes even more clear. But, it can be really hard to be that honest, even if just with ourselves.

I start feeling guilty when I say I want a guy who is smart, funny, good looking, educated, and enjoys working out. As if it’s not OK to want it all.

But, honestly, I think I am all those things so why shouldn’t I want them in a man?

My friend said that is the point. We get honest about what we want and we can see if we are ready for that in our lives. If I say I want a man with good credit, but I have tons of credit card debt, bill collectors calling the house, and I still shop like it’s not a problem, then I need to take a good look at myself.

My list could be a sign that I need to get myself together.

It’s also a chance to think about our personalities, strengths and weaknesses, and how we relate to other people.

Are we good at compromising? Do we like to be in charge? Or let someone else take the lead? Are we calm and rationale? These are good things to be honest about so we can know what kind of man will balance us out.

My truth is, I am a hot mess. I have a mouth and I am quick to snap to anger. If you have seen Waiting to Exhale, you know what I mean. Yes, I might just burn all of his clothes on the front lawn. I’m not saying that is a good thing, but it is the truth. I can try and pretend that I’m someone I’m not, but in the end the truth will come out. It always does. It’s better to be the real me from the start.

I need a man who will push back, rather than let me run over him. I can see that quality right away in the people I become friends with, and the people I don’t. Now I know I need to look out for that in a man, too.

So, yes, I sat down and wrote out my list. No, I’m not going to put it under my mattress or bury it in the back yard. Now that I know the real point of making the list, I’m going to keep it somewhere I can find it.

Because when I meet that guy who makes my skin tingle, I want to remember to be true to myself. And the list will just remind me of who I am.

Have you ever made a list of qualities you wanted in a man? If so, did it work? What do you think are the most important areas for compatibility? Any advice is always appreciated, especially from the happily coupled (emphasis on happily).

I needed a push!

I think it’s pretty obvious why we all like being in our comfort zones. It’s comfortable. It’s a nice place to hang out because we know what’s coming our way. But, sometimes that comfort zone can become a rut. And then we need help getting out of it.

I didn’t realize it, but I had been in a clothing rut for far too long.

After college I went on search of professional clothing that fit my body well. I learned all the tricks about fitting clothes to my hips and butt, and having the waist taken in and the length taken up. I know that for my body, especially the bottom half, right off the rack isn’t usually wearable.

But I have always been a little stubborn, bordering on bratty, when it comes to jeans. I’ve even labeled myself “not a jeans person”. That wasn’t the whole truth, though.

The truth is, our bodies change. Especially as our workout and eating habits change. I went through a few phases of not working out, usually followed by a phase of eating mostly quesadillas. During those times, I didn’t want anything to do with jeans.

For the past nine months I’ve only had one pair of jeans that fit me. They are red. And I have to wear them with a belt. That kind of narrows down the choices of what to wear them with. So I stopped wearing jeans.

I was comfortable. But, I wasn’t really happy.

Luckily, I brought up the subject with some of my friends at the gym. They all said a lot of the things I already knew, but obviously needed to hear again: You have to try on a lot of pairs and the size doesn’t matter because it’s about fit. They also said it’s not something we should do alone. ”You need a friend to help you buy jeans.”

And then they decided I need to go jeans shopping. Right then. All sweaty and in workout clothes. I tried to come up with excuses, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer.

They pushed me out of my comfort zone and into the car.

My friends took me to a mall I’d never even heard of, and almost dragged me into the jeans store. They told the sales guy I needed some jeans. I stood there with my arms crossed and a look on my face that made him comment on my lack of enthusiasm. He could tell the shopping trip was not my idea.

But I let them give him some ideas, and I walked back to the dressing room willingly.

He brought me different styles and sizes, one pair at a time. My friends were waiting right outside the dressing room door, so I had to walk out and show them each one. At first I felt the normal resistance. But, then something happened after the third pair.

I looked in the mirror and I liked the jeans. Even better, I liked them on me. When I came out of the dressing room, my friends all nodded. They gave me specific reasons why that pair was good for me. The dark wash was professional enough to wear at work, the pockets made my butt look good, and they fit at the waist. Then they made me do an air squat and sit on the bench, just to make sure they fit.

After that pair, I was willing to try on more. I even tried on the ones with white stitching and sequins on the butt. And I had fun doing it. I was out of my comfort zone and I was happy.

After all those jeans, I bought the first pair that I loved. The dark ones that I can wear to work.

Now I am more comfortable being uncomfortable. And I’m wearing jeans.

It is tough to take that first step and sometimes we need a little push. But it is so worth it once we are there. And the friends who push us will be there to cheer us on along the way and celebrate with us at the end. Those are the kind of friends we all need in out lives.

Do your friends push you to try things you aren’t comfortable with? How do you feel about getting out of your comfort zone? Tell the truth: How does shopping for jeans make you feel?

What, we’re not serious?

When I started working out again a few months ago, I also “followed” a facebook page called Women of CrossFit = Strong. It is full of motivation and inspiration in the form of pictures, personal stories, and quotes. It’s that extra little positive reminder I need everyday. I love it.

But the other day I saw a post on there that didn’t sit right with me. A young woman was thinking of quitting CrossFit because guys found her to be intimidating and too strong.

The advice everyone gave her was to keep working out and try dating guys who do CrossFit. I’m glad they told her to keep up the workout and pointed out the issue was the guys, not her. But I think something big was just glossed over.

We shouldn’t have to change who we are to fit in with someone else.

I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t stop working out if she loves it. Guys who are intimidated by strong women are not the kind of guys any of us should want to date. They wouldn’t qualify as men, under my definition. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to just date guys who do CrossFit, but that any man of value would like her as she is.

If we change who we are to please other people, we will end up resenting them in the end. And we’ll probably go back to doing what we loved in the first place.

I didn’t type in my comments because there were already thousands of people telling her not to quit. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.

I remember changing to please guys when I was younger, like most of us probably did. Now, I won’t even think once about it. If a guy doesn’t like who I am, then he’s not a guy I care about. I find it easy to keep on moving.

But men aren’t the only ones we change for. And then it hit me.

The person who I need to watch for the most is myself.

I can be strong when it comes to friends and men, but get me in a room with myself and I crumble.

I have certain, often silly, ideas about what I am supposed to look like, act like, and be like. When I started taking myself seriously as a writer I thought I had to have an image to match. I stopped bleaching my hair because blonds aren’t taken seriously. I had to stop being fun and start being smart. Obviously, that meant going brunette.

Before that, change had kind of been my thing. I love changing my hair, my make-up, my style. People who’ve known me for a long time have seen me with every hair color and length imaginable. And they have no idea what my natural hair color is. Because the real me doesn’t care.

I have been wanting to get back to me for while. I’m tired of having the same hair, the same look. This isn’t me and something inside is fighting back. But I keep telling myself that I have to fit the look of a serious writer. I’m forcing myself to change who I am to fit who I think I should be.

I am so much worse than any man could ever be.

I wonder if, to some extent, we all do this. We get an idea in our heads of who we are supposed to be. Then we try and fit that mold, no matter how tight and suffocating it is. No matter how much we don’t fit or how many parts of ourselves we have to chop off to cram ourselves inside.

There is no one else telling us we have to change. We are doing it to ourselves.

Today I’m deciding: No More!

I can be the serious, smart writer who changes her hair color like an accessory and has fun with bold make-up. I can wear the big earrings and the high heels. I can be me. And I can still fit into any role I choose.

Now I can’t wait to tell my hair dresser the good news! And I can’t wait to try out all the styles I’ve been putting off while I’ve been trying to fit this serious writer role.

Do you ever pressure yourself to make changes you don’t really want? What have you ever done to fit a certain role? Do you think we can all be taken seriously, just as we are?