I had a plan.
But things haven’t been working out accordingly. Actually, they’ve been falling apart completely.
The jobs in Miami took forever to post. And it didn’t get any better once they posted. I’d call to get the principal’s email because it wasn’t listed anywhere on line. The secretary would politely tell me that all the jobs were already filled. Literally five minutes after they posted.
I got one phone call from a principal. Her school was way outside of the city, and it was first grade, not ESL. But, she couldn’t find my file online. Because she hadn’t actually posted the job.
I was beginning to see how things worked there.
I had done everything to prepare for a teaching job in Miami. I had my reference letters, I got my Florida license, I’d been talking to Human Resources, and researching the areas where I wanted to be.
But with every phone call I made and every time I checked the website to find nothing, it felt like a huge wall going up.
Like I was having to push upstream and all those other metaphors about having to work too hard. It shouldn’t be like that. I wanted flow.
When I first got the idea to move to Miami everything seemed to fall into place. Things were easy. But, now that I was this close everything changed.
It came down to what I was willing to do to live in Miami.
I could teach English to adults for not very much money. I could work at a preschool daycare for even less.
Wasn’t I the one who said I’d work at Starbucks in order to live there?
I can live on very little. I’m not an extravagant spender. But I do have student loans and a car payment. And the truth is: I like to feel financially secure. I like a back-up plan and plenty in savings.
Maybe this whole quitting my job and moving across the country wasn’t the best idea ever.
But I knew I needed a change.
So I got back online and looked for jobs. And I finally took my friend’s advice and applied for teaching jobs in Raleigh. Plenty of the schools are year-round, so they’re pretty much always hiring.
There was no movement from Miami. The same few jobs on Craigslist that wouldn’t even cover my bills and would leave me no time for writing.
But Raleigh started calling. ESL and intervention jobs, working with small groups of kids. I scheduled a few interviews and both of the first two interviews went so well I didn’t need to go on anymore.
Two job offers in two days in Raleigh.
After months of nothing from Miami.
I had a choice. I could either stay in Raleigh with a steady job that I enjoyed or go to Miami jobless and hope I’d find something. Anything.
It seemed kind of obvious. Sometimes things aren’t really up to us. Raleigh clearly wanted me and Miami was throwing up big barriers to keep me out.
It reminded me of the scene from That 70′s Show where Jackie has to choose between Kelso and Hyde. She dumps both of them and chooses herself. And she gives one of the best answers ever: She says if she could run down a beach into her own arms, she would. That’s what I wanted.
I just had the wrong beach in mind.
I could either live for Miami, doing whatever I could to get by. Or I could live for myself, in Raleigh.
So I chose me.
Miami will always be there. And working at a year round school, I’ll have time to visit. And the best part is I picked the job that is 80% time so I can have more time for writing. And in Raleigh that is possible.
It just feels right.
Sometimes plans don’t turn out exactly as we hoped for. But what we get is usually better, in the long run. It just comes down to knowing what we really want.
Have you ever had plans change on you? How do you feel when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to? What big choices have you made in life?