Sometimes There’s Nothing You Can Do
This guy is moving so much faster than me!
Transitions are hard. Moving from one place to another, or one phase of life to the next is scary. Even if it’s a move we really want to make. There are so many steps along the way we can get bogged down in the to-do’s.
Once I decided I wanted to move to the other side of the country, I had to start my list. I put together my résumé, filled out the online applications, checked Craigslist obsessively. Then it was time to worry about my condo. I had to research realtors and get my place ready to put on the market. At the same time, I started looking into the neighborhoods in Miami, because I should know where I want to live.
I made the list that seemed never ending and plugged away, checking each item off as I went along.
And then I hit a wall. I resigned from my job in February as a sign to the universe and myself that I was serious about this move. Then I did everything I could do to try and get a job lined up for August. But it was just too early.
It’s still too early.
I’m in this weird in-between place and it’s really uncomfortable. People who are staying at my job are planning for next year. They’re having meetings and making schedules that I’m not a part of. Every once in a while they’ll ask me if I have a job to go to yet.
That just makes things worse.
I feel like a ghost trapped in between two worlds and I’d give anything for Jennifer Love Hewitt to come help me to the other side.
But even she can’t help.
I see everyone here moving on as if I’ve already left. And I still don’t know where I’m going. Or how I’ll get there. So, I get a little desperate. I start thinking of all the things I could do for work and spend time spinning my mind into a frenzy. I go through every posting online and seemed surprised that they all start immediately.
Thankfully, this time I stopped before I got too far in. I took a deep breath and remembered: There’s nothing I can do right now. And that has to be ok. Because that’s how it is.
There’s no point in fighting it. Pushing against the current is hard and doesn’t really get you anywhere. I’ve learned this lesson so many times before. I get impatient and run up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. But when I get to the top, everyone who waited patiently is stepping off. And they’re not sweating or red in the face.
How many times have I been on the freeway trying to get around the man in the minivan going under the speed limit in the fast lane? I bob and weave and make it in front of him. But when I pull off the exit, I notice he’s right behind me. We made it there in the same amount of time. The only difference is, he probably enjoyed the ride.
I am impatient.
I want things on my schedule, in my time, now.
But sometimes, there is nothing we can do. We have to wait, patiently or not.
So starting now, I’m going to be like that man in the minivan and enjoy the ride. I’m going to enjoy doing nothing. I have some good books and some people I want to spend time with.
Just doing nothing.
Do you like to control everything? Are you impatient? A control freak? What has helped you learn to let go of control and wait?
I am a control freak. I’ve never been good at waiting, especially for things that are outside my control. Over the years I’ve learned to pretty much ignore that impatient feeling and focus on the things I can control. You can control how many jobs you apply for and have back-ups if you don’t get a teaching position. You can focus on your writing because if you have more free time you can push toward publication. I’m still not really good at waiting, but the publishing industry is a whole lot of wait.
You are right, it is a whole lot of wait! I’m at the point now where I have applied and it’s just waiting for the right time. Argh! It is tough. SO, focusing more on writing is a great idea. Thanks for that. I’ve been spending more time reading, too.
+1 to everything Shannon said. I was totally thinking of the publishing industry as I read your post! So think of this as good practice for your writing. Even self pub has its waits if you do it right – waiting for beta readers, editors cover design, for your uploads to appear at the retail sites, for reviews to come in… it goes on and on. And I love the cute turtle pic! My turtle can swim really fast. I bet you’ll be like her come July!
Thanks for saying that about July! I’m sure hoping. I hope it’s like that book I’ve heard about, but never read. We do all this work that seems like it’s not going anywhere, and then it all seems to happen at once. You are right about it being good practice for writing. I guess patience is something I need to cultivate for all areas of life.
I’m facing this right now when it comes to my writing. Lisa and I have queried agents, and there’s nothing we can do to hurry the process along. They’ll either like the book and want to move forward or they won’t. But I’m someone who doesn’t like to wait. I like to be doing something to keep forward momentum, and I’m trying to realize that in writing, as in so many other areas of life, I can’t make things move faster no matter how long I spin my tires. You think I would have learned this lesson as my husband and I waited almost a year for his permanent residency to be approved, but I guess some lessons take me longer to learn than others!
Yeah, I feel like I keep re-learning the same things over and over. I think the third time’s the charm, right? It is so hard to have things out of our control. Maybe we all need to work on letting go and just waiting. It is way harder than it sounds, though! I’ve been waiting 3 days for some books to come from Amazon adn I feel like I can’t wait one second longer. It’s ridiculous!
LOL girl…you sound just like me. I am so impatient and I struggle in the same way. What I have come to learn time and time again, is that typically everything always works out whether I rush or stress, or relax and go with the flow. It’s like rushing and passing every car with frustration only to find yourself embarrassed when you all end up at the same light. Much like your mini-van experience. It’s so true. When we rush, sometimes we miss the opportunity to take in the joy and opportunity in the journey to get to point B.
It sounds to me like you are on the right track reminding yourself to slow down and just enjoy the ride…because isn’t that what life’s truly all about?!?!
Luv it – keep us posted on how you are making out!
Isn’t that the truth! It’s all going to work out the way it’s supposed to. I don’t know why that’s so hard for me to remember sometimes. I guess I’m sort of a control freak. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not me!
Yes I like to be in control, but the older I get the more I learn that sometimes there’s nothing to do YET. That’s great advice Emma.
And sometimes when I turn away from the thing I can’t do yet, I feel relief and can enjoy the now.
You’re right. I’m focusing more on the now. And, it has actually led to more time hanging out with friends and more time reading, which are both good things!
You’ve done so much, already, Emma! I agree with your title: sometimes, there’s nothing you can do. At least, not for now. And it’s okay. Ideally, we should only worry about the things we can control.
Of course, I’m not as impatient as you are. I have no useful advice. You could use this downtime to write more, perhaps. Maybe focusing on a story will remove the focus from your wait.
I hope things get resolved soon for you, Emma.
Actually, I just started re-focusing on my writing, and you were right. It felt great! Now, I’m back to my daily word count goals, and I’m not stopping in the middle of my writing to search for jobs. It’s a good feeling.
That’s totally me, I want everything yesterday. And I get frustrated at others for not being fast enough, it’s a stress thing, when you sit, take a deep breath and think about what’s going on around you you realize you’re stressed for nothing. But it’s something that you practice and practice makes perfect. Of course that’s easier said than done. If u need help doing nothing call me or come hang out;)
Everything yesterday. What a great way to put it! That’s exactly how I feel. Even when I know it’s not the right time, I still want it anyway. I guess I should practice your deep breath tecnique. It sounds like a good one!
[...] Emma Burcart’s post about accepting those times when there’s nothing you can do but wait. By letting go and having patience we open ourselves up to enjoying the ride. And her post on how [...]