Transitions are hard. Moving from one place to another, or one phase of life to the next is scary. Even if it’s a move we really want to make. There are so many steps along the way we can get bogged down in the to-do’s.
Once I decided I wanted to move to the other side of the country, I had to start my list. I put together my résumé, filled out the online applications, checked Craigslist obsessively. Then it was time to worry about my condo. I had to research realtors and get my place ready to put on the market. At the same time, I started looking into the neighborhoods in Miami, because I should know where I want to live.
I made the list that seemed never ending and plugged away, checking each item off as I went along.
And then I hit a wall. I resigned from my job in February as a sign to the universe and myself that I was serious about this move. Then I did everything I could do to try and get a job lined up for August. But it was just too early.
It’s still too early.
I’m in this weird in-between place and it’s really uncomfortable. People who are staying at my job are planning for next year. They’re having meetings and making schedules that I’m not a part of. Every once in a while they’ll ask me if I have a job to go to yet.
That just makes things worse.
I feel like a ghost trapped in between two worlds and I’d give anything for Jennifer Love Hewitt to come help me to the other side.
But even she can’t help.
I see everyone here moving on as if I’ve already left. And I still don’t know where I’m going. Or how I’ll get there. So, I get a little desperate. I start thinking of all the things I could do for work and spend time spinning my mind into a frenzy. I go through every posting online and seemed surprised that they all start immediately.
Thankfully, this time I stopped before I got too far in. I took a deep breath and remembered: There’s nothing I can do right now. And that has to be ok. Because that’s how it is.
There’s no point in fighting it. Pushing against the current is hard and doesn’t really get you anywhere. I’ve learned this lesson so many times before. I get impatient and run up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. But when I get to the top, everyone who waited patiently is stepping off. And they’re not sweating or red in the face.
How many times have I been on the freeway trying to get around the man in the minivan going under the speed limit in the fast lane? I bob and weave and make it in front of him. But when I pull off the exit, I notice he’s right behind me. We made it there in the same amount of time. The only difference is, he probably enjoyed the ride.
I am impatient.
I want things on my schedule, in my time, now.
But sometimes, there is nothing we can do. We have to wait, patiently or not.
So starting now, I’m going to be like that man in the minivan and enjoy the ride. I’m going to enjoy doing nothing. I have some good books and some people I want to spend time with.
Just doing nothing.
Do you like to control everything? Are you impatient? A control freak? What has helped you learn to let go of control and wait?