Occasional Epiphanies

He’s Not Worth Fighting Over

Relationships May 25, 2012 13 Comments

No fighting here!

I love chick flicks and TV shows that center around a female main character and her journey. That is what I love about Hart of Dixie.

It’s about a young doctor from New York who moves to a small town in Alabama when her life in the city falls apart and she learns that the biological father she didn’t know existed died and left her his medical practice.

It’s really a great premise for a show.

And I’ve loved Rachel Bilson since The OC. She plays a different character here, but with the same spunk that made us love Summer. And, yes, I buy her as a doctor. I hate the assumption that a woman couldn’t possible be smart and good at her job if she is pretty and stylish.

Actually, my own doctor is beautiful and dresses pretty well, except for the whole lab coat thing. So, I know it’s possible.

The other characters on the show add to it’s lovability factor. At first I wanted Zoe, the main character, to hook up with Lavon because he is super hot and super sweet.

But I get the whole can’t cross the friendship line. And really, it’s my crush, not Zoe’s.

She has been going back and forth all season, mainly between two guys. There is Wade, the sexy guy with tons of potential who isn’t doing much with his life. Wade has a thing for Zoe, but she won’t even admit that there might be something there because he isn’t the right kind of guy. And he has a tendency to sleep with almost every woman he meets.

The guy she has a thing for is George, the educated lawyer from a good family who spent some time working in New York. So they have things in common. But, George is engaged to his high school sweetheart.

Right away Zoe and the fiance, Lemon, square off. They are totally different people and it makes sense that they wouldn’t become friends.

There were a few times during the season where they put their grudges aside and found common ground. I really liked those episodes.

But I get that TV is all about drama and conflict. I know they can’t all get along. Happy, happy all the time doesn’t pull in viewers. What would make them worry or scoot to the edge of their seats?

Towards the end of the season Zoe did something I just couldn’t agree with.

She decided that George was worth fighting over.

He and Lemon had some hard times and he was obviously attracted to Zoe. So she entered into a town contest that I honestly didn’t understand in order to be close to George. She wanted to show him that she was willing to do whatever it takes to “win” him.

That’s when my heart sank a little.

As if we should have to fight for a man to want us. To prove that we are worthy of love or attention.

We don’t have to prove anything to be worthy of love. We just have to be ourselves.

Not to mention the fact that he already had a fiance. Going after someone who is attached isn’t fair to us or to the woman in his life.

To see a man as a prize to be won after taking out the competition is no way to live. And certainly no way to love. We all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us. No fight, no competition. No games at all.

Just us.

Lavon said it best when he told Zoe, “He didn’t choose you.” Oh, that just makes me love Lavon even more!

Yes, I had my times of fighting over boys. Most of us did. It’s called middle school.

But as women we have to learn to put ourselves first and love ourselves completely, just as we are. There is no need to fight, especially among each other. We just need to know and recognize our own worth.

The only love we need to fight for is our own.

I hope that as the show continues, Zoe will learn just that.

Have you ever fought over a guy? How do you feel about TV shows that pit women against each other?


13 Responses to “He’s Not Worth Fighting Over”

  1. Reply Marcy Kennedy says:

    Something like that makes for great TV but a really poor life lesson. Even though I haven’t watched the show, I’m hoping Zoe figures out what you did and ends up with Lavon.

    When I went off to university, I roomed with one of my closest friends from high school (who later became my maid-of-honor in my wedding). One decision we made was that we wouldn’t compete over a guy. Too many good friendships have been ruined when something like that happens. Plus, there’s no real trust and stability in competing to get someone to notice you. If he doesn’t choose you for you, then what’s to say someone else won’t come along later, compete for him, and win him away from you?

    • Reply Emma Burcart says:

      You are so right! She could realize that her best friend is her perfect partner, but that would probably be a few years down the line. They never do that right away on a TV show. An agreement with frieds is important. I think all of my friends and I just have that unspoken agreement, but in high school and college it’s good to speak it outloud.

  2. Reply Julie Glover says:

    I love Hart of Dixie, but I totally agree with your assessment here. In fact, I find Zoe’s out-for-George approach to be disconcerting. Sure, George is a catch, but I find myself rooting for Wade because he at least is willing to be honest with himself about his feelings for Zoe. I HATED that Zoe used Wade in the contest just to be near George: That was junior high pettiness. Then again, I guess the show has me where I care about the characters and they still have a ways to go. If it all came together as it should, I’d stop watching. Thanks, Emma!

    • Reply Emma Burcart says:

      I know you’re right about it not coming together yet, but I still want it to come together. I guess that’s probably what keeps us watching tv at all. Right now I am totally rooting for Wade for the same reasons as you. And I can see potential in him. While I wouldn’t suggest getting together with a guy who has potential in real life, on TV the miracles really can happen. And I really do care about the characters, too. Now Marcy has given me hope that some day down the road Zoe and Lavon will be together. :)

  3. Reply Natalie Hartford says:

    Great post and although I haven’t watched the show either, it’s sad that such a great show is portraying this to be the ideal actions for a woman. Sad. I agree, very middle school.
    Of course I’ve turned myself inside and out and every which way to try and “win” a guy. I think we all have. Until we grow and mature and realize that “we are enough – just as we are!”
    When hubby and I hooked up, I was straight up. This is me. You don’t like it, there’s the door!
    I mean, a person doesn’t want to have to be that crude – yes there’s compromise etc in relationships but at the same time, I wasn’t going to put on any pretence about who I was, what I wanted, and what I needed and would give in return. If I wasn’t a fit for him, or vice versa, my feeling was to walk away. No more trying to fit a round peg into a square hole! :-)

    • Reply Emma Burcart says:

      Exactly! It has to be a good fit and he has to like us for us. I also wouldn’t want to spend my life wondering if a guy chose me because there were no other options. That’s no way to live. I remember reading a book with that theme and the woman was miserable. Honestly, I’m way more into team work and cooperation than competition anyway. :)

  4. Reply Diane Capri says:

    I do watch this show, Emma, and I like it — although I’d say the writing is uneven. Some episodes are excellent and others, um, not so much. I didn’t like the contest episode, either. For many of the reasons you have pointed out. But also because it was just dumb. Still, I’ve been to enough plotting sessions to guess how things like this happen. Zoe is emotionally stunted. She’s spent 100% of her life trying to live up to what she thought her father wanted. Much of the show centers around Zoe’s growth as a person in ways that most of us really did learn in middle school (or should have!). I chalked the “fight for the man” episode up to that, because otherwise it would have been too disappointing.

    For those who don’t watch the show, it’s kind of like Northern Exposure or Green Acres and those older, quirky, fish-out-of-water tales where the point is that the “fish” (in this case Zoe) is almost the only normal character, but all the other characters think she’s the nutty one. I enjoy these sorts of stories. Maybe it speaks to the “outsider” and “rebel” in me!! LOL!

    Thanks for this post, Emma. I’m glad to have found a few other fans of the show. And I’m really glad it’s been renewed!!!


    • Reply Emma Burcart says:

      Yeah, you totally hit on something there. She definitely has Daddy issues which have a huge impact on her relationships. And if someone is always trying to prove thier worth to their parent, it would make sense that they feel they have to prove their worth to a man. I hadn’t thought of that. I have a great relationship with my dad, so that is not where my issues are. :) I also like the journey of the main character, so that is probably why I like the show so much. I look forward to seeing Zoe grow, mature, and become confident. And with Lavon as her best friend, that will surely happen.

  5. Reply Coleen Patrick says:

    I watch the show–and I think Diane is right about Zoe being emotionally stunted. It’s kind of like she’s in her high school period of learning things about guys and relationships.
    That being said I think I’m rooting for her and Wade. :) I just don’t see her with George.
    It’s fun to know other people that watch this show–no one I know watches it!

    • Reply Emma Burcart says:

      I’m rooting for Wade, too. At least for now. I don’t see her with George either. He’s too much like her dad and I think she just thinks she wants him because he’s the type of guy she should like. Wade is always himself. And he likes her for who she is. It seems that there’s a nice little group of us who watch. That is fun!

  6. Reply Karen McFarland says:

    I think Emma that you make a valid point. Be yourself! Sad that the writers felt they had to resort to a contest.

  7. Reply Friday Favorites – Summertime & Writing Romance « Shannyn Schroeder's Blog says:

    [...] Burcart has 2 relationship posts up this week that caught my attention. The first is whether or not a guy should ever be worth fighting over. I’m a little torn by this. I’ve never watched the show Emma refers to, so I [...]

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