You’re Worth Every Penny
I used to be afraid of money. I hated keeping track of it because I didn’t want to know how much I didn’t have. The few times I did balance my checkbook or use one of those software programs to look at my budget, it turned out bad. Very bad.
How could I have spent two hundred and fifty dollars on lattes? That just made me feel like an idiot. Did $3.50 really add up that fast?
Math was never my favorite subject and I always told myself I’m bad with numbers. People have their strengths, numbers aren’t mine.
Every time I walked up to a cashier and handed her my debit card a knot formed in my stomach. Even if I knew I had plenty in the bank, I was always terrified my card would be declined. I’d be left standing there like a moron who can’t count. People would come from all over the store to point and laugh.
Ok, so I was a little dramatic in my fear. But the fear was real.
Luckily, I have a friend who is good with money. She used to work at a bank and she’s a big fan of Suze Orman. She sat me down and gave me a money talk. It was part Jack Handy from SNL. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh-darnit people like you. The other part was WWE Smack down. She had to knock some sense into me. I didn’t need to wait for a man to save me, I could save myself. I needed to get my stuff together and know where my money was going. Stop paying the credit card company money they didn’t deserve and build up a savings account.
She literally sat with me at the computer and helped me set up an online savings account. Then she helped me do my taxes and make a budget. And she gave me one of her Suze Orman books to read for homework.
With her guidance and advice I paid off my debt, built up a savings account, and bought my own condo. Now when I sit down to pay my bills every month I feel smart and strong and independent. I have enough money to pay all my bills, save, and live the way I want to. When I know what’s in my bank account I’m not afraid to give the cashier my debit card. I know the little screen is going to accept me.
It’s a good feeling. Self worth through budgeting.
But last week the fear came back. I went in to my local credit union to set up a business account. It is time to take myself seriously as a writer. I wasn’t asking for credit. Or a loan. I wanted to give them my business, my money. So why did that knot in my stomach come back?
Am I still afraid of money?
I was able to get through that meeting at the bank. I left with my very own business checking and savings accounts. The card in my wallet made me feel more professional as a writer. Someone to take seriously. But I still need to work on my relationship with money.
So I did what I always do when I have a problem. I bought a book. This one is called Making Peace with Money by Jerrold Mundis. I’m only two chapters in, but I can already tell how good it is. It isn’t just about the numbers. It’s about how I feel about money.
Yes, I have feelings about money. We all do. And now it’s time to work on that. Me and Money, we’re going to couples counseling.
How do you feel about money? Have you ever had an issue with it?
I can 100% relate to your post, thank you for sharing it. Money is such a touchy issue. I was very lucky; in college, right before I graduated, I became extremely interested in personal finance and bought every book about it I could get my hands on, from Suze Orman’s “Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke” to “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” – lots of different perspectives on money, where it goes, and how to get more of it. I’d grown up pretty spoiled, as my family never really had to worry about money, but I kind of caught on – and just in time – what it would mean to be on my own in terms of finances.
One author that does a great job looking at the psychology behind money is Ramit Sethi; his book, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, might be a bit basic considering where you’re at with your finances, but his blog (iwillteachyoutoberich.com) is always full of good psychological analyses about why we feel the way we do about money. (he gets a little grouchy sometimes but I find it amusing)
Thanks for the comment. There are so many lessons we all have to learn about money. Thanks for the book and website ideas. I will check them out for sure. I am always looking for new lessons to put into practice. Thanks again!
Fantastic post. Thank you so much for sharing Emma because you helped me feel so normal and inspired to do better. Hubby and I like to live and play hard and although we manage with our money just fine paying all our bills etc every month, it’s the credit card debt we carry that bothers me. I realize that I am ashamed of that debt. I feel irresponsible and “stupid” because I know better…and we can afford to DO better if we’d just suck it up and STOP SPENDING!!
It’s hard to change habits. It’s hard to face reality and then push through. But your post inspires me to work harder at achieving the goal of financial freedom from credit cards. Hubby and I have been talking more and more lately about how to do it, how much time it’ll take and we do have a 2-year plan ready to roll out. We just need to put action behind it and stop with the “one last purchase…” mentality!
Thank you for opening up on the topic and inspiring us all to reach that point of feeling good about our financial selves…
Your comment really hit home with me. That is exactly how I felt until my friend sat me down and schooled me. I am so happy to hear that you have a plan and are going to move forward on it. I really believe that we can live the lives we want and be financially independant. We just have to find the balance. Thanks for sharing your story.
I’ve never been good with saving, but I excel at budgeting. I didn’t have a choice for a long time–I was broke. After we got married and wanted a house, my husband and I needed to straighten out our credit from stupid stuff we did when we were younger. We got used to living on cash only – if we didn’t have the cash, we didn’t buy. Although we now use credit for almost everything since it’s easier to track, especially for his business, we still don’t carry debt. We always pay everything off. That being said, I still suck at saving
Great post!
Budgeting is a great skill to have! I have found that having money go directly from my paycheck into an online savings account is the best way for me to save. I don’t even see the money so I forget that is’s there. That is a good thing for me.
“I loathe, despise, and abominate money”, but alas, I also spend it. I’m not the best with money. I still buy stuff I probably shouldn’t and splurge way too often. But I am getting much better. I’ve paid off a ton of the debt I accrued in college and I’m building up my savings account again. I try to pay everything with a single credit card that builds points and I do my best to pay it off every month (though I don’t always succeed). I still have that fear at the cash register that my card will be declined, though, even though I know it won’t. It’s embedded so deeply that I just can’t get rid of it. I’m totally going to pick up that book. Couples counseling here I come!
I’m glad you’re going to get the book! I am loving it. I’m now seeing that there is more to our relationship with money than just budgeting. That is why people get into debt over and over again. We have to deal with the relationship first.
“Me and Money, we’re going to couples counseling.” Great line–great post. Thanks, Emma.
Thanks, Pat. I’m glad you liked it.
Kudos to you for learning how to respect money – and reap the benefits! Sooooo many people never learn how to be smart with finances, so you’re ahead of many. I’ve been fortunate to grow up in a family where this was drilled into me from an early age and so was my husband. We pay of credit cards every month and don’t buy anything unless we already have the money, financing only cars and real estate – and those are paid off as quickly as possible. Other family members have spouses who don’t have this same restraint, and it’s a constant struggle.
I think part of the fear with opening the business bank account is it’s not only scary from the money standpoint, but you’re going public with your writing! I did the same last summer, and it was a little scary for me too! Best wishes with your business – you’re taking a big (and important) step!
Thanks for the support. It really was scary, but I’m so glad I did it. Now I have to work on getting ready to deal with the financial side of the writing business. It helps to know others have already made it work!
Great post Emma! So many people can relate and gain a great deal from what you shared here. You have such an open and easy way of sharing that people just love it. Scott and I have been anti-credit cards for a long time. We only use one and we try to keep it paid off. We learned our lesson. You can get into trouble too quickly and easily. Of course, they like that and are always willing to extend you more credit (getting you into further debit).
Thanks for saying that, Debra. That makes me feel good. The credit card lesson is a tough one. Especially when they were giving them out in college and I didn’t understand that I had to pay it back. And I certainly didn’t understand anything about interest! Debt is a scary thing and being completely out of it is my goal. Thanks for sharing your story.
I have always handled the money – never worried about it. I read books and articles and seemed to manage all right. B ut then I decided to leave my marriage and I was terrified. How would I manage the money? duh???? then I bought a townhouse and wanted to renovate it. with help from my kids I was ready to start planning. I stood in HOme Depot, in the carpet department and burst into tears – because I couldn’t figure out how to do this. I had figured out the costs of every reno we’d ever done and we’d done lots of them. so I have no idea where this fear came from but I left Home Depot in tears and drove home. certain I couldn’t do this.
I hear what you’re saying Emma. good for you for tkaing control and don’t be surprised that an old fear pops up when you’re taking a new step. From my experience, I figure it’s normal.
It does seem like big changes can you back a few steps, even if you had those steps down before. It’s that whole three steps forward, two steps back thing. Thanks for reminding me of that.
I love that you were able to take control of your life in this area. From a young age, my parents taught me to save, save, save. So that’s what I’ve always done. Now that ii’m a little bit older, there are times when I wish I had splurged a little more on things that were important to me — like travel — instead of denying myself that pleasure.
Enjoy couples counseling, Emma!
Balance is so important, isn’t it! That’s why I now have two savings accounts: the untouchable one and the the fun money one. That way I know I am saving up for something fun just for me, like a pair of shoes I really want and some killer sunglasses.
Ooh, how much text fits in this little box???
I relate to your history of fearing money, Emma. I won’t tell my whole money-memoir here, but I will say this: I’ve learned that money doesn’t matter unless we have too little. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stay mindful of it, spend it on ourselves for pleasure and practicality or share it with others.
I used to donate something to the thrift store or sell stuff on eBay when I felt stressed over money. Now I donate money instead. If I get a parking ticket, for instance, I’ll donate money to a charity. Hopefully I don’t end up broke. (KIDDING!) Thanks for the insightful post!
I like the idea of donating. I do that, too, when I need to feel like I have plenty. I like Kiva because it gives money to small business owners in other parts of the world. I have helped a woman open a bakery in Ecuador and a man start a taxi company in Peru.
Great post – I agree that it is all about having the self-confidence to take control of your finances! I’d rather be wealthy later than act like it now.
I can definitely relate. It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone (not in a “misery loves company” way)! I had to create two separate checking accounts to manage my spending. I have one for fixed monthly bills (mortgage, car, savings, etc) and one for variable spending (fun money, gas, groceries, etc). I figured out what I need to divert from my paycheck every two weeks to cover my monthly bills and the rest goes into my variable checking account. It has taken so much stress away because I know what I have to spend every week.
Good advice. “I’d rather be wealthy later than act like it now.” I like that. I’m going to remember it.
The subject of money is touchy for me too and I think I probably sink my head into the sand about it sometimes too.
I read one of Suze Orman’s books also and followed her advice–even though I tend to not think much about it, I feel at least I have a bit of structure.
Great post Emma!
You have to do what you can, and it sounds like that is what you’re doing. Good for you!