Don’t Poop on my Parade!
Let me have my parade!
I’ve noticed a disturbing phenomenon lately. Whenever someone shares hopes or plans they are excited about, people gather around to shower them with negativity. People they may not even know list reasons why their dream can’t happen, or isn’t a good idea in the first place.
My plan is not so crazy. There are already a lot of people living in Miami, so clearly it isn’t an impossible thing to do. But, when I tell people that I’m moving, most of them crap all over my dream. How are you going to find a job? Don’t you know it’s muggy in Florida? What about hurricanes? They don’t just rain on my parade. A little rain I could handle. I’m from Oregon, after all. No. They poop on my parade.
The most recent occurrence was at a party the other weekend. I was layered up and wearing my coat and gloves inside because it is that cold where I live. One of my friends mentioned that someone they knew just moved to Miami and she was all excited about getting us connected. A friend of a friend is a good person to know when you move to a brand new place on the other side of the country.
A man I didn’t know overheard our conversation and decided to give me his opinion. Apparently the look of my face wasn’t enough to stop him. “Miami?” he asked. “Why would you want to move there?” I told him that I like warm weather, beaches, and big cities with tall buildings. He frowned and told me all about some viral video that showed wind tunnels going over sky scrapers in Miami. Clearly, everyone else in the country knew I was making a bad decision.
I could have told him that I didn’t want to hear advice from a man wearing double beige. But I just smiled and nodded and found the first excuse to walk away.
Then someone started in about the snakes. Oh, there are so many pythons in The Everglades. Why would I want to leave Portland? Because I’m not an outdoorsy person. I like the beach and the city, I barely even go to the park. I don’t camp or hike here, why would I start in The Everglades?
I’m getting used to sticking up for my dreams because I know what’s right for me. But it has made me stop and wonder why we go around crapping on other peoples’ dreams.
So what if your friend wants to be a prima ballerina even though she’s never taken a dance class? Your mom wants to start her own business, your boyfriend dreams of playing poker professionally, or your neighbor just bought a bed and breakfast in Mexico? We don’t have to think other peoples’ plans are right, because they are not about us. When people share their hopes and dreams, they aren’t asking for input. They are sharing. That’s it.
We may think we’re saving them from heart ache or humiliation. Or even just from losing a little money or a lot of time. But it is not up to us to decide. We’re not helping anyone by pooping on their plans.
Now when someone tells me their hopes for the future, I think of how I can be supportive. I don’t try to tear them down. It may not be what I think is wise, but it’s not my dream or my future. I have my own parade to plan.
Has anyone ever pooped on your parade? How do you feel when other people tell you what is best for you? Any advice on how to deal with dream crushers, even the well-meaning ones?
I moved a good distance for school – not across the country but 2000+miles. Yeah, I heard all the jokes and they got really old. I think sometimes people don’t mean to poop on our dreams, they’re just trying to find a common ground and spew the first thing that comes into their minds. I moved to northern Ontario – and I heard so many snow and mosquito jokes it wasn’t funny – but that’s what people knew of the area I was moving to. Sometimes the wiser course is silence. Great post. Have a blast in Miami!
That is true. Sometimes I shouldn’t say anything. I just wanted to be able to share my joy with some friends and not have others give me unsolicited advice. I really do think people should think about things before they say them.
I think this is why so many writers don’t talk about writing until they have a book in hand. It’s too easy to get discouraged. I live in Chicago and every winter my oldest daughter and I joke about just up and moving to Hawaii one day because we hate the cold.
That is true. Talking about writing to other people can be hard. It does get a little old to hear the same question over and over, “When does your book come out?” I guess I thought with moving that people would just be happy because I’m happy. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask.
I agree with Shannyn. Life is hard enough, especially a writer’s life. It’s already full of self-doubt. We don’t need negativity surrounding us.
As for moving: good for you! A close friend of mine moved to California recently (I’m in Seattle), and I was sad to see him go. But it was clearly the right decision for him. I supported him wholeheartedly.
Stick to your guns, Emma! Have fun in Florida!
Thanks for the support! I will have fun in Florida. It is not for everybody, but I found out it is for me! Sounds like you are a good friend. I’m sure your friend appreciated that.
I say go for the dream. All those people who say it can’t be done should get the hell out of the way of the folks who are doing it. You are right, millions of people live there, no reason on earth you can’t be one of them. We’ll be looking for the e-postcard.
Oh, I’ll be sharing pictures for sure. Me on the beach. Me by a palm tree. Thanks for saying they should get out of our way. I love that. Maybe I’ll play the Ludacris song whenever people start to poop on my parade.
Well, dear Emma. You know how I feel. I’m sad that you’re moving so far away, but I couldn’t be more supportive of your decision to find our own space. I’m so excited that you’ve found a place that feels like paradise. You look good in sun dresses and sandals.
What would I say to people? You do not need to defend your decision to live in your own paradise. I say that because I find myself defending things that are important to me, when we really ought to be celebrating our decisions. Instead of defending, go on the offense and say, Thanks for your concern.. I feel really good about my decision. And then move on.
It is too bad that people feel a need to tell us things that really don’t matter. Remember the saying, “Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind.”
I love that saying. I remember it all the time, but especially when people are saying negative or unproductive things. You are right to say something polite, but that lets them know I don’t want to hear it. Or maybe I’ll just stare at them like they’re crazy and tell them how I really feel in Spanish.
You’re absolutely right, Emma! Enjoy Miami! I’m sure you got to be a pro at defending your dreams back when you announced you were moving to Ecuador. I remember that one throwing people for a loop…:)
Thanks for reminding me of that! Boy, did people think that was crazy. Miami is nothing in comparison. I’m glad I’m not the only one who is bugged by all the negativity.
I hate to be the one to say that I’ve pooped on a parade before, but i have. My husband tells me about how he wants to play poker and make it his thing eventually, i always tell him: that’s not a good idea, it’s not a guaranteed money maker and so on… I have made him feel bad or mad about that. Looking back i see that’s not a good thing to do anymore, that’s his dream and i should support him, not burst his bubble every time he brings it up. I known he would support my dreams whatever they are or may be. I support my friends’ dreams and always encourage them to follow them why not my own best friend, my hubby? I will make it a point not to rain on his parade anymore, it’s Only fair. Thanks for this Emma and keep following your dream!
You are funny! I love that you can admit to pooping on a parade! Sometimes it is hard to take our own wants and beliefs out of someone else’s plan. But we have to do that to see what it is they really want, not just through our own point of view. Thanks for the support and for never pooping on my parade.
It’s so great that you discovered Miami and are now going to follow that dream. I heard a lot of unhelpful comments when I decided to move to Portland in 2001, and even now, certain old friends don’t get why I live here. But it’s my life, not theirs!
I can’t wait for pictures of you being warm and happy in Florida. Sign me up to cheer as your parade marches by!
That is so good for me to hear. It is not just people here who don’t understand moving. Maybe people just don’t like change. It is my life. Maybe I’ll just sing that Bon Jovi song when anyone tries to talk me out of moving.
Emma, It’s your dream. Don’t take in what the party poopers say. Use their poop for fertilizer for your dream. Smile brightly and say, well then, it’s a really good thing you aren’t moving there, isn’t it? Thanks. The snakes and I will have more sunshine without you. Ah, the hurricanes clean the beach and bring me wonderful new shells to discover. And won’t they be great fodder for my stories! And you have an absolute blast in Miami. The best revenge is a life lived well.
I love the idea of using their poop as fertilizer for my dream! I’m going to write that down and post it up somewhere I can see it everyday. Awesome advice! I also love that the best revenge is a life well lived. I’m going ot remember that one, too.
It sucks when people aren’t supportive, but you are the one who will come out ahead since you’re following your heart!!
Exactly! We can’t know what is in anyone else’s heart, so maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to give other people our unsolicited views. I know where I’m going!
My husband and I got this all the time when he told people that after we married he was moving from Washington, DC, to Canada. “Why would you want to move to Canada?” “Doesn’t it snow all year round there?” “Won’t you have to learn French?” We even had one very nasty person say, “Canada! You’re better than that” (which of course made me furious because I’m a Canadian and think both Canada and the US are great countries).
We found out really fast how many misconceptions people hold about Canada, and I think it was more difficult for me to take than for him. He’d calmly explain to them about the slower pace of life we were looking for, how we loved the outdoors, and about his career plans.
You really do have to do what’s best for you. If we ever get down to Miami after you move, I hope you’ll let us know the best restaurants and beaches to visit
I wrote a post in December on how I deal with people who want to poop on my writing dream (“What to Do When Your Loved Ones Want You to Quit”)
I have to admit, I think it snows in Canada all the time, too! It must be the media.
I remember reading your post about people pooping on your writing dream. That was a good one. I still don’t get why people do it. It’s like no one remembers that saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Some people react negatively because your dream–or simply the fact you have a dream–threatens them. Your plan to move to Miami fills them with vague unease about where they live. Did they choose the place, or did it choose them? Rather than question themselves, they challenge you.
Happy people–those who find their work satisfying and their lives meaningful–don’t poop on anybody’s parade.
I wish you sun, sand, and blue water.
Thank you for those kind words. I think you are right! People don’t realize that I’m sharing my plans with them, not saying what and where they are isn’t ok. It really is about them! And thanks for the happy wishes. I’m going to try to spend more time around happy people.
I moved to Florida four years ago, filled with doubts and reminding myself regularly that if I hated it I could always move back to California, and I love it here. I’m still surprised that I love it here–and maybe even a little embarrassed about it?–but Florida is great. I hope you love Miami!
I am so glad to here that! I too feel almost embarrassed sometimes when I tell people why I love Miami. As if liking the beach and warm weather is bad. I will not hang my head in shame anymore. I love Florida. And, Miami, here I come!
Love this! And I love how you write when someone shares their dreams with you, they aren’t looking for feedback, they are just sharing. Soooo true and a great reminder to take to heart!
I love your dream and think it’ll ROCK when you get yourself there. Hubby and I often dream of moving somewhere warmer with beaches and beautiful palm trees. Maybe someday. In the meantime, we will live vicariously through you!!! Woot woot!!!
I will be happy to share stories and pictures of warm beaches and relaxing in the sun! Thanks for your support.
[...] Burcart has a post called Don’t Poop on My Parade, and while she wrote the post about her move to Florida, I think it definitely applies to writers. [...]