This Year I Resolve to Be Kind
New Year's traditions can be risky.
The New Year is a time for resolutions. Usually we go for the same ones again and again: lose weight, eat healthy, or find the new job we love.
The past few years I have staged my own little personal revolt. My resolutions were things like: drink more alcohol, eat more chocolate, and spend more time at the mall. I thought I was being sarcastic and showing I was smarter than everyone else.
As usual, I was wrong. Kind of like everyone else.
Resolutions shouldn’t be about limiting ourselves or becoming an alcoholic. They should be a time to look at ourselves and our lives and see what could make us better.
The funny thing is I make new goals every September. Something about the fall seems like a good time to evaluate and plan. I don’t mock and not a single sarcastic comment comes out of my mouth. Maybe there’s a way to do the same thing in January.
So this year I’m being serious.
I’ve noticed patterns in my behavior over the past twelve months, and one stuck out as the most disturbing. I can be mean. Even cruel. Not to other people, but to myself.
If I forget to set the alarm at night and over-sleep by five minutes, suddenly I’m a moron. If I don’t listen to my intuition and make a wrong decision, I’m an idiot with no redeeming qualities. Miss a few days at the gym and I question whether I deserve the piece of chocolate.
Fat, lazy, stupid, not working hard enough. All the things I say to myself that I would never think about saying to someone else. If anyone else said it to me, I’d call Friendship Over and move on. So why was it ok coming from me?
Shouldn’t we all be our own best friends? Champion for ourselves? I shouldn’t expect better treatment from others than I give myself. Something is definitely askew.
So this year, I resolve to be kind. To me. I will treat myself the way I want others to treat me. And the way I believe everyone deserves to be treated. A missed alarm is not the end of the world and a few extra pounds doesn’t make me any less beautiful.
It starts with me. I’m going to be like that great line from Jackie on That Seventies Show. I’m going to run down the beach into my own arms. Figuratively.
I choose me.
What are your New Year’s resolutions? Anything positive? Or a list that full of don’t and won’t?
I like the way you think and hereby resolve to be kinder to myself in the new year. Great post, Emma! In 2012, would you also be a bit kinder to George Clooney? Just asking.
That is awesome! And you are hilarious! I am sure he is a great person, so I’ll try to be kinder. That doesn’t mean I will think he is a talented actor, though. Those are two seperate things.
What a beautiful post! You are so right. How can you do anything better or be better if you are always being mean to yourself or putting yourself down?
Although I haven’t read it, I’ve heard very good things about this book, Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves. Might want to check it out: http://www.amazon.com/Big-Lies-Women-Tell-Themselves/dp/1608680282
Also, a friend of mine is a “self-love” coach, so to speak, and she’s lovely. Several times a year she runs an Inner Mean Girl reform school, which is very powerful. Here is her website: http://www.daretoliveyou.com/christine_about.htm
Good luck, and keep us posted on your progress. And as to your question, I have my own anti-resolutions resolutions post in the works so stay tuned.
That book sounds cool, I’ll have to check it out. I have read some of the Mean Girl Reform School blog posts and they are good, too. I think I’m past the point where I need reform school, but it’s fun to read occasional posts for inspiration. I am excited for your post, too.
I especially like that you’ve chosen ONE resolution. In my world, a long list is a long way from success…Remember to blog about your progress on your resolution as the year continues — I’m looking forward to reading!
Thanks for the support, Diane! And thanks for the idea to post about my progress. Such a good idea!
I do that to myself all the time, I also say things to my husband like: you don’t like me, you don’t care about me, you don’t love me, etc. And he always tells me that’s not true, I love you. I still don’t believe him when I’m mad or sad or frustrated. So I resolve this year to believe. To really believe that I’m loved, liked and cared for. I resolve to not be so negative to myself and that will in turn be true about my attitude towards others, specially the people I love and love me back. Thanks for the inspiration Emma!
It is so easy to be hard on ourselves. That is why I am making being nice my one and only resolution. I’m glad you’ll be believing this year. That is a great resolution!
I haven’t come up with any personal goals yet, but I really like your resolution to be kind to yourself. I think if we were all more kind to our own selves, it would naturally lead to us being happier people and to us being kinder to others around us.
Thanks for the great post, Emma.
I think that is so true! When we treat ourselves better, we will naturally start treating others better, too.
Such a beautiful post! We could all do with setting such a resolution for ourselves. I have promised myself that I will be healthier in the coming year. Not, “I’ll lose weight” or “I’ll give up sugar” or anything else so defining, but just I will strive to make more healthy than not healthy chioces. I also gave myself permission to slip up, or cheat…I must have that cheeseburger and chocolate shake!…as long as I get back to the healthy stuff as quick as possible. Well said, Emma, great job!
Thanks. I like that, being healthy, as a resolution. It is positive, not a list of things you can’t do or have or eat. I think it’s much better to be positive and focus on what we will do.
I love this perspective on a new year’s resolution. One of the reasons I quit making any were they were a long list of truly unattainable items. I still have a bit of a list this year, but rather than doing resolutions, I’m listing some ambitions for the year and then a few solid goals/steps I can realistically take to try to reach them. Now I’m thinking, though, that I should add “be kinder to me” to the list because I’m my own harshest critic as well.
It seems like we are all too harsh on ourselves. I’m glad you are adding kinder to you to the list!
I know exactly what you mean. I’m great at beating myself up…lol. We have to stop that.
Yes, we all need to stop it!
May I please copy your resolution? I hadn’t realize I do it to myself too until I read your post. This is a great, positive change. Thanks, Emma!
I’d be happy to have you copy it! That means one more person being kinder to themself, so that’s a good thing.
Wow! Great post, Emma. Our world is so much about accomplishing and doing that we forget the ‘how’ of it all and the subtext that accompanies us along the way. This is one resolution I definitely need to add to my list.
I’m happy you’ll be kind to yourself, too, this year. I think it could lead to a much better world to live in if everyone was to themselves.
What an awesome resolution, Emma! It really is all about attitude – and I think if you make this resolution, a bunch of those other ones you didn’t make will still happen. The online fitness program I use includes emails from the founder, and one of the points he hammers hardest is to stop listening to our negative voices. Instead of saying you don’t deserve that chocolate, decide that you deserve to get fit and feel great – it’s so much more motivating! Good luck with keeping your resolution – I’m going to make it mine!
Thanks for the support! I like the idea of focusing on the positive. I am going to exercise to be healthy and have the chocolate because it tastes good. To me, that is healthy.
Great resolution! I too make resolutions in September – the beginning of the school year has always been the beginning of a new year for me. More so than the 1st of January.
The fall is a good time for goals. That’s why I decided to make my resolution different from a goal. Thanks for the support.